


Hamlet and the Pirates

by 1f_this_be_madness



Category: Hamlet - Shakespeare
Genre: Canon divergence because I have always been disappointed by the nature of Ophelia's demise, F/M, I love pirates and I really wanted to know HOW Hamlet got on with them okay, Or at least I did, Pirates, so here you go, takes place between Acts IV and V of Hamlet by William Shakespeare, the swashbuckling adventure that Hamlet lovers always (secretly) wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 09:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4914781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Look ‘ere, lad, if ye hate the scallywag so much, why ‘ave ye not yet run him through?</p><p>Or, an addendum to the text of Shakespeare's Hamlet in which we finally get to understand exactly HOW Hamlet got back to Denmark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dramatis Personae

Characters in the Play:  
(At Sea)  
HAMLET, Prince of Denmark

TILLER of a Danish vessel  
MATE of the Danish vessel  
CAPTAIN of the Danish vessel  
Assorted members of the CREW

ROSENCRANTZ, school friend of the prince who now escorts him  
GUILDENSTERN, same as the above

Pirate BOSUN  
Pirate MATE  
Pirate CAPTAIN  
LOOKOUT on the pirate ship  
ALONSO, a fourteen-year-old cabin boy  
Assorted PIRATES in the CREW

(On Land)  
King CLAUDIUS  
QUEEN Gertrude  
OPHELIA, daughter of Polonius—the king’s councilor who was killed by the man she loved  
LAERTES, son of Polonius and brother to Ophelia  
HORATIO, the prince’s best friend  
MARCELLUS, a castle guard and good friend to Horatio  
SEXTON, a digger and preparer of graves around the castle

‘Words within these are taken verbatim from William Shakespeare’s play The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark.’


	2. Act One

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act I, Scene i-> A Danish Viking barge sails across the waves of a calm ocean in the middle of the night. A single sailor keeps watch and mans the tiller.

HAMLET-{coming abovedecks with a sable sea-gown scarf’d about him} Holla, watchman! Hast thou had quiet guard?

TILLER MAN-Not a fish nor breeze stirring, m’lord. But we must be ever vigilant. ‘Tis said pirates sail these waters. {silence from the prince makes the man attempt to explain himself} Truly, my lord, I am in earnest. A mate o’ mine works upon a cargo carrier, and has thrice been pursued by pirates!! {He crosses himself}

HAMLET-Indeed? Then I shall leave thee to thy work. And I pray we are not attacked tonight.

TILLER-As do I, Prince Hamlet. I hope ye will return to, and enjoy, your rest. {still fearful, but this sentiment is nevertheless sincere}

HAMLET-{smiles} Have no fear for my repose, good man. I shall fall into a good dream…or else craft myself one.

The prince strolls back down below as the TILLER attempts to puzzle out HAMLET’s last comment to him.

***

Act I, Scene ii-> Belowdecks on the Viking-like ship, HAMLET halts before the bunks of his snakelike schoolfellows.

HAMLET-{quiet, fierce} I told my mother that I trust these sycophants as I would adders fang’d. And if I aim to be a mongoose among nesting snakes, I must move a step ahead in the game. {Searches through satchels and luggage} Where would a useless groveling coxcomb hold a seal’d mandate? Aha! In the pocket over the breast. Shame on you, villain; you catty asinine addle-pated bastards—shame on you both. To do this deed one cannot use his heart, only his head. Which you, i’faith, cannot. {takes out the paper to read from it} Ah, thee had thought to fret me, so thou could’st play upon me…but I shall not let you prey upon me. Here ‘tis—the trap writ in the false king’s hand:

‘England,  
If my love thou holdst at aught—as my great power thereof may give thee sense, since yet thy cicatrice looks raw and red after the Danish sword, and thy free awe pays homage to us—thou mayst not coldly set our sovereign process (which imports in full), by letters congruing to that effect, the present death of Hamlet. Do it, England; for like the hectic in our blood he rages, and thou must cure us. Till I know ‘tis done, howe’er my haps, my joys were ne’er begun.  
Claudius’

Ah, that incestuous, murderous, damn’d Dane! I have thee now as thou thinks thou havest me. Sure as the worm hath eat of a king, I shall eat of the fish that hath fed of that worm. Sextus semper tyrannis, King Claudius. {Takes the letter to his own cabin, continuing to implement his plan to counter-plan}

***

Act I, Scene iii-> Upon a pirate vessel.

BOSUN- {consulting a map} ‘Ere be th’ path where the lad said his craft would sail; an’ here’s where we attack, aye?

FIRST MATE- Aye. ‘Twill be simple if the wind stays at our tail. The stern, it’ll be fallow; as this prince, we follow.

BOSUN- Yea, and there be that. How do we know these intentions th’ prince professes are good? Will he surely pay us in what we ask o’ him?

MATE-{offended} Oi, since when ‘ave ye known me to make an untrue accord?! I read him like a book. Bit strange, the lad, but he won’t cross us. I guarantee it.

BOSUN-{growling} I’ll say he won’t, for if he does, you’ll be drawn t’ duel wi’ me!

MATE-{unimpressed} Oh I will, will I? Best sharpen my sword now, then.

The BOSUN makes a swift movement, as if to strike the MATE’s jaw, but is interrupted by the entrance of his CAPTAIN.

CAPTAIN- What are ye scallywags about out here? Stay alert!

LOOKOUT- Ship ho!!!

CAPT- Look alive! Man your stations, ye filthy bilge rats!

MATE- Stations! Several stations!

BOSUN- All hands on deck! Raise th’ colors!!

CAPT-{grinning ferally} Let ‘em know who we are and what we be coming for.

PIRATES- Aye aye, Cap’n!

***

Act I, Scene iv-> Danish vessel.

TILLER- Boarder! Boarder!

MATE- We’re not near any borders, you ingrate!

TILLER- No, sir, a boarder—that ship flies the Jolly Roger and there are men on both its ends. It’s pirates, sir.

MATE- You’re sure?

TILLER- For sure.

MATE- I’ll report to the captain. You call the men to arms.

TILLER- What about the passengers? Needn’t we alert them?

MATE- I think they’ll find out soon enough on their own.

Screaming emanates from the snakelike schoolfellows’ cabin at that exact instant.

ROSENCRANTZ- Oh my dear sweet Lord God, there are pirates! They’re attacking this ship!!!

GUILDENSTERN- Pirates?!

ROSEN- Pirates!

GUILD- Warn we Prince Hamlet?

HAMLET-{appears outside their open cabin door; irritated} He already knows.

R & G- What should we do, milord?!?

HAMLET- Ready ourselves for them to come, and prepare to die together. I shall leap aboard their ship in challenge; you two had best slip away. They will be more likely to wish to ransom me rather than the two of you.

R & G-Ah, Prince Hamlet, how brave of you to do.

HAMLET- I am full of surprises, ‘tis too true. {slips new letter surreptitiously into R’s belt loop}

***

Act I, Scene v-> On the ocean between the vessels; the pirates give chase upon/after the Danish ship.

TILLER-{sweaty, making a valiant effort to stay ahead of the tailing ship} ‘S no use, sir—we can’t keep this pace up much longer!

MATE-{snaps at the man furiously} Why in hell not?! Those rogues will not hesitate to slit each and every one of our throats if they catch us. Should that not be enough incentive?

TILLER- Ay, good incentive it be, sir, but that’s not what I meant.

MATE-{impatient} Well, what is’t you meant, sailor? Spit it out!

TILLER- If we must sail forward—onto that shoal there—in order to evade, our draft will not be shallow enough. My skill at this wheel matters naught.

MATE-{growing somber} With this new information, it seems that I must inform the Captain.

TILLER- And say what, sir?

MATE-{bowing his head} That, though he may not relish the thought of it, we mayhap must let them board us without a fight.

Swing over to the pirate ship

LOOKOUT- Seems they’re ‘a slowing down, Cap’n! Mebbe we can board ‘er before the sun is down! {Excited}

CAPTAIN-{musing} Now why would they do that?

MATE-{confused} Sir?

CAPT- The prince wouldn’t put ‘em up to this; he would like it to look real, t’be a good fight…now we must alter our plans a bit. Bosun! {Barks this and BOSUN jumps} Look alive, man—keep the deckhands steady an’ find a way to signal the prince! {BOSUN stares, thunderstruck} Now, ye canker’d addle-pated snaggletoothed sot! Hop to it!!

BOSUN scurries off.

MATE-{awed} ‘Zounds, but that were some good swearin’, Cap’n.

CAPT-{nods, pleased} Damn right! Nowww—gET BACK TO WORK!!!

In short order, the pirate vessel pulls alongside the Danish barge, with a crewmember near the stern, waving to signal the new plan to HAMLET.

PIRATE CAPT-Arr, what a beautiful day it is to find such a lovely ship, eh, lads? Practically gifted to us!!!

PIRATES-{roar approval} Aye!!!!

TILLER-{stutters in fear} H-how do y-you think this ship is a gift? It b-b-b-belongs to us!

P. CAPT-{sneering} Oh, r-really? Are you the captain, then? {Looks the TILLER up and down with disgust} I think not. If you wish to speak up for him again, I may have to cut your tongue out.

The TILLER retreats, terrified, and the DANISH CAPTAIN, pale with nerves, steps out onto the deck

P. CAPT-(continued) That’s better, much! See, you Danish dogs are learning. Now, Captain, let us two talk like civilized men. Have ye any valuables aboard this your pretty vessel? D’you come to trade or simply t’ breathe the fresh English air? {Points a finger threateningly at him} Do not lie, sir, for if the conversation betwixt us turns sour, my men have guns full of powder pointed at your ship’s deck.

DANE CAPT-{steadily} I wonder, sir, that you speak of conversing in a civilized manner only moments after threatening to tear out the tongue of my tiller.

The PIRATES hiss and the Danish CREW hold their breath; a gesture from the PIRATE CAPT has a cannon swiveled and its muzzle pointed at the DANE CAPT’s chest. HAMLET has appeared on deck during this commotion. He was amused until spotting the cannon that now aims at the captain of his current vessel. No longer quite so assured, he leaps atop a pile of rigging.

P. CAPT-{to the other captain dangerously} That seems like an accusation, matey… I sure would not be comfortable sayin’ such things if I was you.

HAMLET-{making a spectacle of himself} Holla, Captain! {the pirate looks up} Yes, you, sir. Welcome, dear friend, to our ship. We have the finest of crews and a captain well meaning—if unknowing—of the waves of we men of the sea. {A crewmember comes over, but the prince waves him off impatiently} If you fellows will allow me, I shall handle the remaining proceedings.

P. CAPT-{playing along} And just who, exactly, are you that we should listen to?

HAMLET-{in his element} Who am I? Only the chief ambassador to England, the one amply ransom’d if I am to be captured; a man of too too solid flesh; a prince among fools, prisoner in one of this world’s worst prisons… this is I, Hamlet the Dane, prince of Denmark.

BOSUN-{after an engineered skeptical silence, though his is real} And why should we believe you? Are ye not saying this only t’ save yerself?

HAMLET- No, my good man, I am not. I offer myself to you as your prisoner , in order to spare the others aboard this ship. {beckons ROSENCRANTZ forward} This man has a letter, bound with the Danish king’s royal seal, addressed to the English king. That very same seal {points to wax on back of the letter} is imprinted upon this my ring. {raises hand and stretches out all of his fingers to show the ring off clearly} Here ‘tis for you to see. If you believe or not, take the consequences out on me.

The PIRATES look to their CAPTAIN for direction. He beckons HAMLET onto his ship, and snatches the letter away from ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN to take a closer look. Once done, he tosses it back.

P. CAPT- Lucky for you sorry souls, this prince of yours was telling the truth! So now ye may go, with the help of yer oars {Shoots down the top of the mizzenmast} An’ don’t send aught after us; or we’ll kill him forsooth.

With HAMLET onboard, the pirate ship sails away. And with no idea how to explain this occurrence to (either) king, the Danish passengers and crew commence to pray.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Act Two

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act II, Scene i-> On board the pirates’ ship on the afternoon following the raid.

BOSUN-{pacing the deck whilst studying an astrolabe and muttering} Where be we now that we’ve accosted that blasted ship? I cannot tell whether we be in good or bad shape!

MATE-{watches the BOSUN with enjoyment before at last taking pity on him} ‘Ere, matey, take a look at the map. Since ‘tis still day, ‘t may be better than yon astrolabe.

BOSUN-{takes the map and throws his other instrument from him in disgust} Thank’ee, my friend. Forsooth I wouldn’a be so frazzled were we not in the presence and sight of a prince. {glances at HAMLET, who also strolls about the deck} He giveth me the creeps!

MATE-Shh! Be not so loud! Aye, his presence doth vex me too. Tho’ he made a deal for his life, he be far too cocksure, as he’s still our prisoner.

BOSUN-{aggrieved} Yea, yet he moves about the deck as if he be the captain!

MATE-{resolved} We must remedy this oversight an’ put a stop to’t.

Exeunt all but HAMLET

HAMLET-It is done. I sail now across the sea  
In the hands of pirates, to be cruel or  
Kind as they wish to be. Now, to my uncle—  
I am informed about what he has done, the newest of his evils;  
This on me is dispatch’d—or would be, had’t not been foiled.  
Th’ agents of it, those my schoolfellows  
Are not near my conscience; for their baser  
Natures came betwixt petards of monarchs.  
The wending ways o’ politics are fickle  
As the four winds when loos’d by Odysseus.  
My way now I see, and those my thoughts must be bloody.;  
Else this venture I am now on is worth nothing…  
Of Fate I be a pawn. To these pirates, I must unload my soul…  
For ‘tis up to them if I return home whole.

***

Act II, Scene ii-> Same setting; the BOSUN now returns, followed by the MATE. 

HAMLET- {continued} God give ye good den, my friends. Your sailing is first-rate!

BOSUN-Aye, that it be, an’ this we know. There is aught t’make it sail better, though.

MATE-On this ship, ev’ryone must have a job. And you, prince, as a prisoner, are less than a common swab. {now tosses a bucket full of pitch to HAMLET} And t’water-proof the deck, I suggest ye get an itch!

HAMLET-{startled, but endeavors not to let his consternation show} Of course! I wish to be useful, you know.

BOSUN & MATE-{grinning} Oho! Why yes—now get t’work. And start just so! {knock the prisoner to his knees and make condescending gestures for him to spread out the pitch}

BOSUN-{booming} All o’ ye scalywags, get back to work! One more hand be no reason to shirk!!!!

CREW-Aye, sir! No more lollygagging. {muttering amongst themselves} But if we be forced to work too much, mayhap there’ll be some friendly fragging.

As the members of the CREW disperse to complete their varied tasks, a young lad called ALONSO kneels to spread pitch beside HAMLET.

HAMLET-{with an engaging smile, despite already sweating from unaccustom’d exertion} Greetings, sir. How do you on this day, i’faith?

ALONSO-{cautiously} Hello. I do well. I cannot complain, for every new dawn is a boon upon this vessel.

HAMLET-{chuckles} Indeed. Being a privateer is a dangerous profession, then, sir?

ALONSO-I would not know about that, but the life of a pirate is plenty difficult. And I be no “sir”, lord. My name is Alonso.

HAMLET-{pausing in his work} ‘Tis a pleasure, Alonso. {they shake hands} I trust you already know who I am, then?

ALONSO-{a surprised laugh brightens his young face} I should say so! The deal ye hath made with our Captain is all anyone can speak about. ‘Tis unusual, your honor, for ‘tis not ordinary for us to make deals with princes. {whispering} And, up from the scuttlebutt ‘tis thought you are simply impersonating royalty.

HAMLET-{amused} Indeed? Well, what think’st thou of that, Alonso?

ALONSO-Me? I do not know aught of you, lord, but I know naught of princes in general. So whate’er you tell me I will take as truth. This is a business of lies, but there always be room for truth in’t.

HAMLET-{impressed} There is the potential always for truth, indeed, because of your honourable candor, Alonso.  
I am truly a prince, the nat’ral and only son of King Hamlet of the fair state of Denmark. I was ousted four months ago by the foul and most unnatural murder of my father and hence the ascension of his brother, my uncle Claudius, to the throne. He plunged between th’election and my hopes by his marriage to my mother…less than a single month after my dear father’s death! {gets choked up} Ah, frailty she possessed in far greater measure than an abundance of devotion to and respect for him. {clenches a fist in frustration, the pitch binding his fingers together for an instant} After their marriage, the court recommenced normalcy while I, in an outward show of grief most uncharacteristic of my typically buoyant nature, continued to wear customary suits of solemn black. And was ridiculed for it! ‘Tis unmanly grief’, my uncle said. To thus my grief and dislike of the ease and alacrity with which the court and members of my royal family adapted to the cut-off head of Danish state, was added the fact that it was my uncle—now the king! Who like a serpent stole into my father’s garden and poisoned him as he slept.

ALONSO-{aghast} O horrible!

HAMLET-Indeed; most horrible.  
In order to feign ignorance of that evil deed of which I now knew, I put an antic disposition on.

ALONSO-{in awe} Truly, Prince Hamlet? And no one suspected?

HAMLET-Not at first. Only my dearest friend, Horatio, and guardsman Marcellus knew aught of it.  
My uncle and mother sent for two friends I met at school—I am a student at the University of Wittenberg—to sound out the reason(s) for my distemper.

ALONSO-{wonderingly} Were they so blind as to truly not understand the extent of your deep grief?

HAMLET-{after pausing for a moment} …My mother did, I think. At the outset my uncle did not, but as time went on, he started to suspect.  
All became clear when I showed my hand to attain clear proof of his foul deed. And that urg’d him to send me on, with my faithless schoolfellows, this sailing voyage of secrecy. That, your merciful captain and this ship itself hath relieved me of.

As the prince has explained thus, the PIRATE CAPTAIN stands upon the upper deck behind [USC] and listens. After the conclusion, he speaks

PIRATE CAPT-Thank’ee for yer kind words about me, Prince. {HAMLET nods in acknowledgement and the CAPTAIN now grows severe} But look 'ere, lad. If such dastardly deeds yer uncle has done—if ye hate the scallywag so much—why, by the beard of Davy Jones, have ye not yet run ‘im through?!

ALONSO appears scandalised by his captain’s boldness, while the other crewmembers—who have also stopped their tasks to listen—nod in agreement and wonder the same thing. HAMLET is not offended but now smiles hard.

HAMLET-{dangerously} Why do you think I mean to return home? I go now to have revenge—my parents’ and mine—upon him.

CREW-{lets out a rousing cheer} Huzzah!!!!

P. CAPT-{nods with a look of approval} Good lad. And well done on yer spreading of pitch. If royal life be not t’your liking, I can always use another member in my crew. {laughs heartily} Now go on, take a breather an’ walk the deck. Go with him, Alonso.

ALONSO-{leaps up immediately} Aye, sir!

P. CAPT-{fondly} If ye ‘ave subjects in yer state as loyal as this ‘ere rapscallion, ye are in good stead, Prince Hamlet.

HAMLET-{warmly} I have no doubt. He has been very good company. Come, Alonso, let us travel the deck now we have done our share of work.

ALONSO, blushing furiously at his captain’s praise, nods and accompanies HAMLET across the lower deck.

***

Act II, Scene iii-> The same place some moments later; upon the ship’s deck near the bow.

HAMLET-This is a pretty vessel, Alonso. You have given her a face, and the same face she keeps to take you where’er you need to go. If only the ship of state could run so smoothly.

ALONSO-{nodding and looking downward, a little hesitant to reply} Yes, but she is only part of it, my lord. Smooth sailing owes itself to the weather, the waves, and the crew who steers a ship to its moorings. There be many tasks an’ steps to take in order to make port. Be that not the same for a country’s state? Is it not the affairs of the court—as well as common folk—that dictate how well ‘tis run?

HAMLET halts and stares at the boy amazedly. ALONSO grows embarrassed.

Is that—that may not be so, my lord; and if ‘tisn’t, pray pardon me. I be but a young ship’s hand, and know naught firsthand of such things.

HAMLET-{patting the boy’s shoulder reassuringly} No, it is so, Alonso; just as you say. You could be a great kingly advisor in another life. {smiles and then grows somber} I thank thee for reminding me of that. For this stretch of time, the past four months, I confess I have not oft thought of the positive importance that people bear in the world. My wit has grown preoccupied with the rank and gross darkness of human nature rather than the abundant light present in’t.

ALONSO-{quickly, apologetic and worried} Prince Hamlet, I blame you not. ‘Tis understandable that you would feel the worser half of nature at this moment. . . . But, I wonder if there is hope for you.

HAMLET-{staring at him} What dost thou mean?

ALONSO-{nervous, choosing his words carefully} When you spoke of your vengeance to the Captain, you said you “go now to have revenge—my parents’ and mine—”. With all the wrong your mother has done going against divine law after your father’s death to wed your uncle, . . . you nevertheless still include her in—as—one of those ye seek revenge for. It seems you hope for her, and love her, still.

HAMLET-{sighing heavily} How astute you are. Yes, I do still love my mother. I spoke to her of many things on the night before I sailed. Of divinity, damnation, her sinful, wrongful acts . . . I spoke daggers, Alonso. And tho’ I wish not to—I spoke aright, I know—I still feel a sense of shame for my conduct towards her. {Bows head and seems defeated} She listened to me; took my sharp words to heart and now keeps them there: ‘Be thou assur’d, if words be made of breath And breath of life, I have no life to breathe What thou hast said to me.’ She took my counsel and shall tell no one. O, good mother! My words, that gave thee wounds, hath also wounded me . . . And I bless thee and forgive thee for—all—that thou hast done.

Here HAMLET drops to his knees and puts his face into his hands, sobbing. ALONSO drops with him and tentatively offers his shoulder for the prince to lean on. HAMLET clutches the boy for comfort, and after a time raises his head and chuckles brokenly.

I had said en route to make this sea voyage that ‘From this time forth, My thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth.’ Ah, sit still my soul! This is the last time I shall break that solemn vow. {nods at the lad} I thank thee, Alonso, for thy care of me . . . but I hope not to offend thee now by wishing that the need for it is past.

ALONSO-{helping the prince to his feet once more and grinning as he does so} There is no offence given. I too hope you need no care, except the sort you are searching and aiming for. {Touching HAMLET’s arm} I have thought of something. Your mother is your relation by blood—and so, when thinking and speaking of her, those thoughts indeed be bloody. You have not broken your oath after all!

HAMLET freezes stock-still, his eyes widen, and he roars with laughter.

HAMLET-Quite so! Hang it all, you should be not a stuffy king’s advisor, but the court jester instead!!

ALONSO-{shocked and endeavoring not to be/seem offended} Oh no, Prince Hamlet, I would not wish to be a buffoon.

HAMLET-Oh, you need not be. A court jester must be as nimble with his tongue as with his body, and can say any truth he likes—in a manner that is pleasing to the king and’s court. One such wonderful jester was my first—and oldest—friend.

ALONSO-{surprised and curious} Really? Of him would ye mind telling me?

HAMLET-{generously} Not at all. His name was Yorick, my motley friend. ‘A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.’ We spoke and laughed together after many a banquet or royal dinner. I learnt to walk whilst holding fast to his bell, and he was there to catch me if ever I fell. Together down corridors we raced and turned tricks; such things he knew and more, seeming endless ways of showing us our faults! He told me such stories: of gods and heroes, witches, trolls . . . swore they were all Danish history with a merry twinkle in’s eye.

ALONSO-{wistfully} He seems someone that I should like to ‘ave known . . . I could have used a friend, a sharp-witted guide, during my wayward younger years at the sea’s side.

HAMLET-{amused} Do not give up hope, Alonso—thou art still young yet. And did not thy parents guide thee on thy path?

ALONSO shakes his head, silently bearing HAMLET’s teasing. Here we see how young he truly is; little more than a boy—a boy who has been forced to grow up far too fast as a result of fell circumstance. But he has borne it manfully, this unfair lot that he calls his life: with patience, cheerfulness, and good humor. In him we see a parallel to how/whom HAMLET once was before his kingly father’s death and his own sadness.

ALONSO-My father was a sailor and my mother a tavern maid. “Tavern wench” is th’ oftener coined term. He never could stay on land with her and she had no place upon the sea. When I was born, an’ after I grew old enough—eight winters had passed, an’ on the first ship o’ spring me mam sent me out wearin’ a braided silver locket bearing a name—to find my father. I have been on the sea ever since.

HAMLET is speechless. He at least had his father for twenty-seven years and his mother loved—still loves—him fiercely enough never to voluntarily let him out of her sight.

HAMLET-What a life thou hast led!

ALONSO-{serenely} I could say the same of you, my lord. Come, let us go back to the aft deck {glancing uneasily at the sky} A chill wind will soon be upon us, and the Captain will want you safe belowdecks.

Is leading the prince aft when they encounter the BOSUN along the way

BOSUN-Ar, it be our bonny princely prisoner. A foul wind be blowin’, lad. {To ALONSO} Git ‘im to the bilge, so’s he can ride out the storm with th’ rats.

Though this is precisely what ALONSO has only just said, the BOSUN’s tone is hardly so polite, and HAMLET moves as if to do something rash.

ALONSO-{pulling at and quelling him with a fierce look} I thank ye for your good counsel, Bosun, sir. Come, please, Prince Hamlet; let us go. 

ALONSO walks around the BOSUN with HAMLET in tow. The BOSUN has begun smirking, realising that his words have irritated the prince, which was his goal in speaking to the two men

HAMLET-{seething} That addle-pated ass hath wit as thick as Tewksbury mustard, and just as appealing! Where did he think thou wast going?! The sky is as dark and murky as the deepest pit of Hell!

ALONSO-{pacifies the prince calmly} He must do that to ensure our safety—if we were not, in fact, going below, it would be on his head as the officer o’ the highest rank here now to tell us to do so. ‘Twould be on his head if anything untoward were to happen to us.

HAMLET-{subdued} Ah. That—makes sense. I am glad thou wast with me to ensure I did not forget myself.

ALONSO-As am I, Lord Hamlet. We must get you back to Denmark alive so that you may enact your revenge.

The Danish prince puts his arm around the pirate boy’s shoulders as beneath the deck they both submerge.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	4. Act Three

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act III, Scene i-> Spotlights on one part of the stage, in pantomime, a cabin on the Pirate Ship; another part, the Throne Room at Elsinore; and a third space that doubles as a Thoroughfare and HORATIO’s modest Chamber. Lights come up upon the Throne Room.

QUEEN-‘Let her come in.’

OPHELIA enters in her apparent madness, followed closely by HORATIO.

[ . . . ]  
OPHELIA-{singing} ‘How should I your true love know from another one? By his cockle-hat and staff, and his sandal shoon.’

Lights up upon the Pirate Ship

PIRATE CAPT-{rapping on cabin door} You got in unscathed, I see. Alonso is quite the capable cabin boy. {no answer from the prince right away} I trust these quarters are comfortable? They were all I could arrange in a pinch, seeing as ye be our prisoner an’ we do ‘ave to keep up appearances, y’know. {still no reply} Well, I came t’ inform ye of the fierce tailwind that should get us back t’ Denmark before the week is out. I’ll just be goin’ now. {makes to leave}

HAMLET-{calls out} A moment, Captain. {he reappears} My thoughts have been far away; I am sorry. This cabin suites me. {pause and a shift of thought} Have you ever been in love, sir?

P. CAPT-{smiling widely} Aye. And a right bonny lass she is. Temperamental, though. Eyes change color depending on ‘er mood—which at times can be a little frothy. Other days, she is bothered by nary a breeze. {Silence} Do YOU have a special lady, then? A princess, per’aps?

HAMLET-I did . . . I do. She lives in the castle, but is not a princess. Her father was a councillor who was—murdered mistakenly.

OPHELIA-{sings} ‘He is dead and gone, lady, he is dead and gone. At his head a grass-green turf, At his heels a stone.’

HAMLET-She is sweet, innocent, and as good a person as e’er I knew.

OPHELIA-{singing bitterly} ‘Tomorrow is St. Valentine’s day, All in the morning betime, And I a maid at your window, To be your Valentine. Then up he rose, and donn’d his clo’es, And dupp’d the chamber door; Let in the maid that out a maid Never departed more.’

HAMLET-{head bowed and voice soft with remorse} I insinuated that she was neither good nor chaste by slandering womankind in general.

OPHELIA-{scathingly sings} ‘[ . . . ] Young men will do’t if they come to’t—By Cock, they are to blame. Quoth she “Before you tumbl’d me, You promised me to wed.” He answers “So would I ha’ done, by yonder sun, an’ thou hadst not come to my bed.”’

HAMLET-So sensitive and sweet, she took those harsh words to heart—as I knew she would. But I meant her to leave in order to be safe from men like me in the comp’ny of nuns. {cries out in anguish} O, would that I could rescind those words!!! I hope I shall soon see her again to put ‘t all right. It cannot be done quick enough.

OPHELIA-{speaks} ‘I hope all will be well. We must be patient. But I cannot choose but weep . . .’ 

Light follows OPHELIA as she exits and re-enters after a pantomimed face-off occurs between her brother LAERTES and King CLAUDIUS.

LAERTES-‘O rose of May, kind sister, sweet Ophelia . . . Can a young maid’s wits be as mortal as an old man’s life?!’

OPHELIA-‘There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance. I pray you, love, remember. And there’s pansies—that’s for thoughts.’ 

OPHELIA exits, still followed by HORATIO. Lights come up on Thoroughfare.

HORATIO-{careful as he comes up to OPHELIA, but there are vestiges of grief in his voice and eyes} Dear friend, I aim to keep careful watch over thee. I wish thou didst not require it, but sadness doth strange things to the mind, as we have seen with Lord Hamlet.

She turns away and in her eyes HORATIO spots the sheen of tears.

Oh, confound my unfeeling tongue! {Reaches out and clasps her fluttering hands in a sorrow-filled attempt to provide some measure of comfort to her} Please forgive me, Ophelia.

OPHELIA-{with a small smile, she raises one hand to touch HORATIO’s cheek. He leans into the touch} I speak the truth, Horatio, that there is nothing to forgive. None of this is thy fault.

HORATIO-What wilt thou do?

OPHELIA-{with a spark of inspiration brightening her eyes} I shall go out onto the castle grounds to pick more flowers. There be nearly no remembrances left.

HORATIO-I will go with thee. {Resolute and concerned for her welfare}

Lights back up on the Pirate Vessel, still in a cabin belowdecks.

HAMLET-I must write now to Horatio concerning my return from sea; I mayhap shall also send word to High and Mighty Claudius to warn him of my coming. Alonso! {Calls out his cabin door and the pirate boy appears} Wilt thou perform a service for me?

ALONSO-Surely, my lord. Anything.

Back on the Thoroughfare; an ambiguous amount of time passes. As HORATIO walks beside OPHELIA the guardsman MARCELLUS runs to intercept them.

MARCELLUS-{panting} Horatio, glad I caught you. Good morrow, lady Ophelia. {to HORATIO} A young man waits to see thee, friend. He says he is a sailor, bearing a missive from th’ ambassadors to England. I gave him directions to thy rooms.

HORATIO-Thank you, Marcellus. Is he already there?

MARCELLUS-I think not yet, but ‘a will come straight.

HORATIO-I shall go, but first I must escort Ophelia to the grounds for to pick flow’rs.

MARCELLUS-I will go with the lady, but you must meet with this man—I feel that his message is urgent. {Shoos HORATIO along}

HORATIO-All right. If thou hast duties to do, please send for the queen to watch over Ophelia. {Worried about her}

MARCELLUS-{nods in understanding and grips his friend’s hand} I shall do so. Never fear.

HORATIO-{fervently, giving MARCELLUS a quick hug} God bless thee, sir. Be well, Ophelia. {He bows to her and heads quickly to his rooms as OPHELIA and MARCELLUS exit the stage in the opposite direction} ‘I do not know from what part of the world I should be greeted, if not from Lord Hamlet.’

ALONSO-{entering} ‘God bless you, sir.’

HORATIO-{cordial} ‘Let Him bless thee too.’

ALONSO-‘ ‘A shall, sir, and please Him. There’s a letter for you, sir. It came from th’ ambassador that was bound for England—if your name be Horatio, as I am let to know it is.’

HORATIO-{reading the letter}:  
‘Horatio, when thou shalt have overlooked this, give this fellow some means to the king. He hath letters for him. Ere we were two days old at sea, a pirate ship of very warlike appointment gave us chase. Finding ourselves too slow of sail, we put on a compelled valour, and in the grapple I boarded them. On the instant, they got clear of our ship, so I alone became their prisoner. They have dealt with me like thieves of mercy. But they knew what they did: I am to do a turn for them. Let the king have the letters I have sent, and repair thou to me with as much speed as thou would’st fly death. I have words to speak in thine ear will make thee dumb; yet are they much too light for the bore of the matter. This good fellow will bring thee where I am. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern hold their course for England; of them I have much to tell thee. Farewell.  
He that thou knowest thine, Hamlet’

I cannot right believe—but ‘tis his very hand! Saw you he whom sent this letter?

ALONSO-Oh, yes, sir. ‘Twas he who gave it me. Said it must go with all speed to Horatio—e’en as just a man as e’er his conversation cop’d withal. He spoke highly of you, sir.

HORATIO-Ah, sweet prince. {Studies the pirate boy more closely} What be your name, then?

ALONSO-Alonso, at your service.

HORATIO-For thy pains I thank thee, Alonso. {Throwing belongings together} ‘Come, I will give you way for these your letters, And do’t the speedier that you may direct me To him from whom you brought them.’

Both exit the stage.

***

Act III, Scene ii-> On the deck of the Pirate Ship about a day later. HAMLET leans upon the rail. The PIRATE CAPTAIN calls the BOSUN over and speaks an order to him in an undertone.

BOSUN-{visibly disgusted with his task, whatever it is; comes up to HAMLET} Morrow, Prince.

HAMLET-{raises an eyebrow} Indeed, it is morrow, sir; but be it good or ill, think thee?

BOSUN-{growls sourly} Be not so familiar with me as you are wont! Ye may ‘ave won over our cabin boy, but I be not so naïve—I be made of much sterner stuff. Take what ye can—give nothin’ back! That’s always been me motto an’ the one o’ every good pirate on these ‘ere seas.

HAMLET-E’en so? {mildly} What about the evil ones, pray tell? {BOSUN glares} Truly, sir, I have no quarrel with thee—with you. But if you have one with me, I ask that you name it, so we may fight out our diff’rences fair.

BOSUN-{roars his reply} A fight you want, innit?!? Then a fight ye’ll have!!!! Defend yerself! {whips out his sword}

HAMLET-{getting slowly to his feet} I do not wish or relish a fight at all, but nor will I simply take a fall! {takes his sword to defend himself from jabs already being made}

Immediately out with a wap wap wap, the BOSUN presses HAMLET back. The prince parries one shot, but the pirate gets in two more; back they go until HAMLET is flat on the deck, having been smacked upon the head by the flat of the BOSUN’s blade.

BOSUN-{sneering} That, boy, was pathetic. If you plan to beat yer uncle in some such fight, ye need t’ be quick on th’ draw an’ use all of yer might. {HAMLET stares in shock} Well, now I am to teach ye. Git yer bodkin up! Yes, footwork left, right, towards the bow—that’s it, boy, ye be gettin’ the hang of it now! Spin an’ parry. How doth it feel t’ learn from the best swordsman on the sea?

MATE-{before HAMLET can make a reply} Oi! That’s real rich, mate—not even gonna try t’ be humble, say “on the Channel” or “on the Baltic Sea”. No, you went fer it. Well, I be ‘ere to prove you wrong! {pulls out his own saber threateningly}

BOSUN-{snide} Put thy rapier up, boy, ye don’t want ter be embarrassin’ yerself.

MATE-{livid} Oh, believe me, there be no chance of that! Watch this bout closely, Prince—it’ll be over soon.

BOSUN-Oho—now who be the cocky one??

Both begin a fierce fight and are—luckily—evenly matched.

LOOKOUT-{aside to HAMLET} Ye may want to take notes upon each of their stances for yer just vengeance, Prince.

***

Act III, Scene iii-> En route to the coast; ALONSO has tried to carry HORATIO’s bag, but is refused the offer to aid.

HORATIO-Tho’ I be a scholar, lad, I am common-born and thus used to carrying my own luggage.

ALONSO-{surprised} Truly? How did you rise to become bosom friends with a prince, then?

HORATIO-{does not smile outright, but his eyes soften when he thinks of how he met HAMLET} We became known to one another on his first day of classes at the University of Wittenberg. It was more than a month into our acquaintance, however, before I knew aught of his high position in this country.

ALONSO-Did he not tell you of it when introducing himself?

HORATIO-Nay. And that was a sore point between us, when I learnt of it eventually. Two other schoolfellows were always referring to him as “my lord” and “your honour”. I demanded an explanation from them after they decried my “uncouth” familiarity with him. I asked if his name was not Hamlet. They said ‘twas, but that was not for commoners to refer thus to the Danish prince.

ALONSO-{wide-eyed} What did you do?

HORATIO-The only proper, honest thing that I could do. I spoke to Lord Hamlet myself; asking if he was the Prince of Denmark, why did he not tell me so?

ALONSO-If ye had any inkling that was the truth, ‘twas a brave course for ye to take.

HORATIO-{humble} Thank you. I did not believe myself to be brave; not more unlike a general of Rome felt I to challenge the motives of this . . . possible . . . prince. But I had thought of him as a friend, and if I were so good a friend to him I should wish to know the truth.

ALONSO-And did he explain aught to you?

HORATIO-Yes; he told me that he wished to make o’er himself in coming to Wittenberg as a common man. He wished to be a scholar, nothing more. “I did not wish to cheapen our friendship by lording my rank over thee, good Horatio. For,” he said, ‘What piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action ow like an angel, in apprehension how like a god: the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals . . .’ And many more such phrases spoken to that effect.

ALONSO-{nodding sagely} Aye, after speaking much with Prince Hamlet, I am aware that succinct he is not.

HORATIO chuckles in agreement.

***

Act III, Scene iv-> Time passes as they walk and ride toward the coastline and the port where HAMLET will return from his abridged trip to England. After they establish a spot at the wharf in a boarding house that sits above a tavern;

ALONSO-{wincing at the sound of the breaking of plates and—possibly—bones} Are you certain that you wish to bunk here? I am sure there be other places that cost just as little.

HORATIO-It is not the price of lodgings that concerns me, Alonso. Pray do not distress thyself. These roustabouts—{they see a body fly through a lower window amidst cheers and curses}—they remind me of Lord Hamlet.

ALONSO tries to see the ruffians as HORATIO sees them, but cannot; perhaps because he has only known the prince for five days. He says no more about switching hotels, however, but leaves and returns later.

ALONSO-Horatio, good Horatio, I have a letter for you. It comes from the castle!

HORATIO-{taking the paper} ‘Tis from the queen! {Opens and reads}:

Dear Good Horatio,  
I shall tell thee first, as thou did ask my aid in guarding after thy departure. ‘One woe doth tread upon another’s heel.’ Ophelia’s drown’d, Horatio. ‘There is a willow grows askant the brook That shows his hoary leaves in the glassy stream. Therewith fantastic garlands did she make Of crow-flowers, nettles, daisies, and long purples That liberal shepherds give a grosser name, But our cold maids do dead men’s fingers call them. There on the pendant boughs her crownet weeds Clamb’ring to hang, an envious sliver broke, When down her weedy trophies and herself Fell in the weeping brook. Her clothes spread wide, And mermaid-like awhile they bore her up, Which time she chanted snatches of old lauds, As one incapable of her own distress, Or like a creature native and indued Unto that element. But long it could not be Till that her garments, heavy with their drink, Pull’d the poor’ girl ‘from her melodious lay To muddy death.’ I can hardly bear to write of this to you, who highly esteem’d her, as did I. I hoped she should have been my Hamlet’s wife. I thought her bride-bed to have bedecked, sweet maid, And not have strew’d her grave. I must thank thee, kindest of young men, for doing so much for Ophelia; and for being to my son what I can no longer be for him—someone to rely on.  
She that owes the greatest of debts to thee, Gertrude.

No. This cannot be. How, how could they so misuse her, as to let one who felt such grief run wild alone above the brook?!?

HORATIO slams his palms into the wood of the table, turns in a circle, fists hands in his hair, eyes brimming over with tears; he kicks a chair and stands stock-still.

ALONSO-{worried on the scholar’s behalf} Please, Horatio, be easy; you must know there was nothing you could ‘ave done!

HORATIO-{shaking his head vehemently} No, naught but be there for her, my friend; and Hamlet’s love—oh, now what am I to tell him of this sad business??? How can I acquaint this unhappy prince with more ill-fate than should e’er be visited upon one man?

ALONSO claps the scholar’s shoulder in wordless commiseration.

I would gladly trade my life for that of Ophelia so that one they she and Hamlet could find happiness together.

ALONSO makes as if to speak, to refute this claim or wish made by HORATIO, but—

Nay, by Heaven, I shall not wish one pain upon Hamlet more than another . . . Instead I must endeavor to soothe his troubled heart, as well as mine own.

ALONSO-{eager to help} I commend your choice, good Horatio, sir. Is there aught ye require of me?

The scholar’s eyes widen, and he begins feverishly scribbling upon a scrap of parchment a missive to MARCELLUS, begging for more news and entreating the guardsman’s swift reply—“Before Prince Hamlet doth dock here”.

HORATIO-Fly this to Marcellus, I implore thee, young Alonso. Be as swift as though—

ALONSO- I would’st fly death? {smiling} Have no fear; I will return with a reply from this man to ye.

HORATIO-Go, go, and as swift as the soles of Mercury may your feet be!

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	5. Act Four

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act IV, Scene i-> On a dark expanse of roadway, we spy a large person, MARCELLUS, leading a smaller cloaked figure upon the back of a horse. Stage lights never fully come up, giving the audience the knowledge that the two companions travel by night.

MARCELLUS-{stopping by the roadside, he spies a churchyard to his left} Wait here, sister, {sotto voce to the riding figure, a girl} whiles I speak to th’ sexton. Then I shall return hence to convey you. {She nods and he leaps over a low wall, spying an older man pushing a barrow US. After offering him help, MARCELLUS speaks indistinctly, gesturing around}

The second man shakes his head. MARCELLUS gestures more forcefully. The other still indicates “no”, until the Danish guard brings him to the muffled woman on the horse. He inclines his head and she does in return, before bestowing a leather bag full of coins upon the SEXTON—who shakes it, smiles, and nods; at last seeming enthusiastic about whatever their plan is. MARCELLUS shakes hands with him. Hereafter the SEXTON bows and waves before departing.

MARCELLUS-Now that is sorted, let us continue on to the coast. I have many things of which to speak to Horatio.

Girl nods in silent agreement and acquiesce, and they continue on.

***

Act IV, Scene ii-> Back at the tavern inn where ALONSO and HORATIO are staying. The pirate boy bangs through its front door, which is under a signpost emblazoned with the words: “The Galloping Gelding”.

ALONSO-{bursting into the room, winded and gasping with exertion and excitement} News, news! I come bearing good news, my lord!

HORATIO-I thank thee, Alonso, for thy pains; but thou needst not be formal and call me lord. I am naught but a yeoman turned scholar, dost thou not remember? {hands the boy a tankard of watered-down ale to drink}

ALONSO-{gratefully accepting the drink} I am sorry; I do, I do. {gulping the ale and suppressing a belch} Ahhh! Good grog that is, I say!

HORATIO waits calmly for the boy to speak.

Please pardon! To Elsinore I meant to take this {shows a letter} but in a stroke of lucky happenstance, the guard Marcellus was on th’ road a’coming to the coast! He brings a sister with him, and means to speak to you. –I gave him th’ letter and he read of it before replying then and there.

HORATIO-{grabs the letter eagerly and peruses his friend’s untidy scrawl}: 

Horatio, good my freind, I donot confes to be well abel to ryte, but want to drop a lyne to sae I come noe to explane alle. Look fer me to fallow Alonso.  
Yrs in hayste, Marcellus. X

Wast thou far from here when thou met Marcellus and wrote he thus?

ALONSO-No, not more than half a day’s ride. In fact, it may be far less.

***

Act IV, Scene iii-> There is a knock upon the door as soon as these words leave ALONSO’s lips. After glancing at HORATIO for guidance, he goes to open the door.

HORATIO-{calling out to lend assurance} Come!

MARCELLUS-{entering, slightly hesitant} Ah, Horatio, I doubt thou wilt ever forgive me—{he would say more, but the scholar hugs him hard}

HORATIO-{sincerely} I cannot forbear to forgive thee, kind Marcellus; for thou hadst the pure goodwill to come and acquaint me with all. {Warmly} But, sit—you must be tired! {Spotting the woman behind his friend} Forgive my lack of courtesy, lady; I welcome you. I am Horatio. Will you permit me to lead you to a seat? {She nods silently and he gallantly takes her arm}

MARCELLUS-{as his companion sits} Thank you, Horatio, from both of us. I take this sister to an English cloister, far from the death and madness at the royal palace of the Danes.

HORATIO-{nodding soberly} That be sound accord. And you, lady, {he turns to her} liv’d also at the court of Elsinore?

LADY-I did, good sir. The words of another bade me get to a nunnery; {unmasking herself by lowering her hood} And with the kindness of Marcellus and of thee, dear Horatio, I shall do so.

HORATIO-{in utter shock} My lady Ophelia!!! Can that be—is’t truly you??

ALONSO, on behalf of HORATIO, is stunned too. OPHELIA takes the scholar’s hand in a grasp of friendship to prove that she is real.

OPHELIA-It is indeed I, here, Horatio. ‘Tis too too true. Please be easy, good sir—I did not mean to distress you.

HORATIO-‘Tis not distress, but gladness that widens my eyes. {His eyes also gleam with happy tears} I never did expect this, so great a surprise!

MARCELLUS-Aye; we got to talking whilst in the castle gardens that day, she and I. And it seemed, to both of us, ‘twould behoove Lady Ophelia to get herself away. So I call’d and told the Queen to please watch over her—as you, Horatio, suggested I do—and encamp’d myself downstream to halt her when into the river she herself threw.

HORATIO-{in awe} In such an act as this—good Lord, Marcellus—it seems that I hardly know you!

ALONSO-And, wherefore, that be good; for if you cannot conceive such an act t’be done, then neither of them will be suspect.

HORATIO-{thoughtful} Indeed, clever Alonso—th’art correct.

OPHELIA-We did account for the wailings of the Queen; Marcellus knew, as I did, that she would be sure to make a big scene. I only wish, if I had my druther, that there could be a way to tell the truth both to her and to my brother.

MARCELLUS-{gruff and subdued} Indeed; Laertes took the news hard. He shed many a tear from what I heard.

OPHELIA attempts to choke back a sob of grief upon hearing this. HORATIO and MARCELLUS both rise to give her comfort, each in his own fashion.

OPHELIA-{smiling through her tears} I thank you, dearest friends; for this and for all that you have done. {Looks out the window} But I fear I must be gone from this shore ere the ascent of the sun. {She rises now to gather her cloak and bag; HORATIO follows suit}

HORATIO-What would’st thou have me tell Hamlet in an account of and for you?

OPHELIA-{pats his arm} That, I leave to thy discretion, Horatio; as in these such things I am wont to do. 

MARCELLUS rises to go with her.

MARCELLUS-{protective and firm} I will guard you on your way o’er to England, if I may.

On impulse, OPHELIA rises on tiptoe to kiss the guard’s cheek.

OPHELIA-I thank you, Marcellus, but I must answer “nay”. Elsinore will need its best guard for many a coming day.

HORATIO-{getting upset} Then how are we to know you are safe?

OPHELIA-{forceful} I can take care of myself, good sir. I was motherless long before I lack’d a father. I thus learned my own ways and am all-too capable.

HORATIO-Of that, I have no doubts. {Earnestly catching her hands} But please, Ophelia, think on us; and for the sake of your friends, so that we may feel easier in our hearts, allow one of us to accompany and aid you.

OPHELIA-{softens} As always, I thank thee for thy good counsel, ever-kind Horatio. Thou art here express to meet with Hamlet, else I would gladly welcome thy aid.

ALONSO-{tentatively} If I may say, I will once more be boarding ship bound for England ere the sun sets on the morrow. If you will permit me, lady, I will gladly act as a steward for you until reaching the priory that your destination be.

HORATIO-{with a true smile breaking across his ever-serious countenance} God bless and love thee, Alonso!

MARCELLUS-Th’art a decent, steadfast sort of lad. {Pounds the boy on the back}

OPHELIA-{relieved and genuinely touched by this kind offer of aid} I thank you for this kindness that you wish to bestow upon me, and shall gladly accept it. I shall remain at this inn tonight and will wait within until Hamlet’s departure inland on the morrow.

MARCELLUS-{resolutely, nothing will change his mind} I will stand guard over ye this night, milady, an’ will ride the pony back to Elsinore Castle in the morning. There will be certain sundry arrangements for me to attend.

HORATIO-Will you wish to greet Prince Hamlet when he returns to Danish soil? {Looks from one to the other of his friends}

MARCELLUS-{slowly} I think not. It will be better for me to smooth th’ way for his return home whiles you greet him upon his initial return to this ground.

OPHELIA-Likeways, I feel ‘twould be better for the prince to meet only thee, Horatio. There is naught he can gain from seeing me any more. He must focus upon those concerns that recall him hither to this state. {Assures} Tell him all that you wish and deem prudent about me, my friend; but know that I am now content to move on.

HORATIO-I understand. For telling me of these your plans, I heartily thank you both, and bless you for coming here. God give you good rest.

HORATIO and MARCELLUS shake hands and the scholar bows to OPHELIA, but she is having none of that and clutches him in a tight embrace instead. MARCELLUS speaks to HORATIO in an undertone of the funeral proceedings and his dealing with the SEXTON, as ALONSO tells OPHELIA his ship’s timetable. Once these tasks are done, OPHELIA and MARCELLUS depart from the room to secure their night’s lodgings.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	6. Act Five

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Act V, Scene i-> At port in “The Galloping Gelding” and later onboard the Pirate Ship

HORATIO wakes fearfully in the morning, though he went to sleep calm. ALONSO is nowhere to be seen in the room when he wakes, which accounts for and contributes somewhat to the normally stoic scholar’s unease and anxiety.

HORATIO-I should not feel such misgivings now that I know Ophelia is safe, alive and well. Hamlet is too; at least, so said he in his letter . . . Unless I am not to read it quite so round. Ah, I be too much a’thinking; so my princely friend would tease—but I cannot stop this grieving or mask my great unease. I feel like one who the future sees.

ALONSO enters just after HORATIO says thus to spy the scholar pacing restlessly about. The pirate lad bears in his arms a hearty breakfast.

ALONSO-Greetings, good and noble sir! Do you still misgive the safe arrival of the Danish prince? Be now assur’d; those in the market to whom I spake shared there be a favourable wind blowing from the southwest to the northeast to bring the true monarch back safe to this land. {Tosses the scholar some fresh fruit} So fie upon your nerves and do take heart at your friend’s swift return; and know that I’ll safely convey the lady Ophelia on to England without harm in her turn.

HORATIO-{Chewing his fruit and listening to the young man makes him grow once more calm} To give thanks to thee, I will continue; as thou art the one who knows all of the problems and plans to circumvent all that’s ill here about my heart. And I am the one that knows every good deed that thou hast begged for and been able to do—and I bless thee for’t, Alonso. When Lord Hamlet knows of it, he shall bless thee too.

ALONSO-{blushing beet-red} Oh please, Horatio, I do only what any subject would do for the land and leader of the country he loves; and I have come to view you, as the Prince astutely said: ‘th’art e’en as just a man as e’er my conversation cop’d withal.’

HORATIO-{bashful} And as I replied to him, so shall I refute that claim to you, o decent Alonso. {turns aside}

ALONSO-{vehement} Nay, do not think I flatter; {moves forward to be in the line of sight of HORATIO, and as a result has a better view out of the casement window} . . . By Saint Charity, Horatio, the ship is now a’coming in!

HORATIO starts and comes to lean over the window ledge. ALONSO points excitedly at the ship that has now lowered its pirate flag and flies a more nondescript one instead.

See, ‘tis preparing to lash its moorings to the dock.

HORATIO-Quickly let us go then to meet it. {Grabs his bag of belongings}

Onboard the Pirate Ship

LOOKOUT-Land ho!!!

BOSUN-Look alive, ye lazy lackadaisical lumps o’ lard! Lower th’ sails! Reel in the rigging! All hands on deck!

MATE-{echoing} All hands on deck!!

HAMLET, to get himself out of the way, moves to stand on the upper deck beside the PIRATE CAPTAIN.

HAMLET-Good day, sir. Captain.

P. CAPT-Good day, sir Prince. How doth it feel t’ be once more in sight of land?

HAMLET-Tis strange. Indeed, I owe much thanks to Providence; but e’en more thanks to you.

P. CAPT-{grinning} For th’ prince of a realm, it’s the least we could do. An’ a reward from ye will not go amiss t’ us.

CREW-Aye, ‘tis true!

HAMLET-{with a placating smirk} Be assured of the good turn I will do for every single one of you. I have taken your words—and deeds—of wisdom and keep them safe within my heart as bulwarks against all evil things.

P. CAPT-But beware, please, Prince Hamlet; for mayhap ill thoughts will soon be about yer heart. Trust to Providence and defy augury when ye can.

HAMLET-I shall, and thank you, sir. {They shake hands}

The gangplank is lowered and MATE and BOSUN give lay-over orders to the crew as HAMLET descends from the upper deck.

BOSUN-Well, I cannot say I enjoyed yer stint wi’ us, Prince, but ye best ‘ave learned from it.

MATE-Aye, ye should’ve learned that I am the best swordsman in the Baltic!

BOSUN-Nay, sir; tis I who be!

MATE-Bugger that—I pounded ye!

HAMLET-{clapping an arm ‘round each of their shoulders} Rest assur’d, sirs, I learned much from each of thee. {Has now reached land beside the dock and sways sickeningly} By God’s bodkin, now what is the matter with me?!

ALONSO-{walking up; speaks knowledgeably} Tis what happens when your legs have grown used to the sea.

HAMLET-Ah. Understood, Alonso—and I thank thee for telling me. {freezes, realizing that next to the pirate boy, yes, that indeed is HORATIO} Horatio! {strides quickly to his friend and fiercely embraces him} I am glad to see thee well, else I do forget myself.

The hugs HORATIO gave to MARCELLUS and OPHELIA are of thanks and farewell, respectively; his impulse is always to comfort. But upon seeing HAMLET return from sea, he is too relieved even to move—and thus HAMLET strides forward and crushes his friend close in a firm and joyous embrace.

HORATIO-‘The same, my lord, and your poor servant ever.’

HAMLET-Nay, sir, my good friend; again I change that name with you. {Grasps HORATIO’s shoulders before speaking to ALONSO} I thank you as ever, lad, for your kindness in thus conveying him.

HORATIO-{warmly} He has done much more than that and I shall soon acquaint you withal. {He turns and takes ALONSO’s hand for a handshake} Godspeed to you, young sir.

HAMLET-For thy deeds of friendship for aiding and bringing my dear friend to me, thou hast a forever friend in this poor piece of princely flesh. And this as well I give to thee—{threads one of his rings onto a finely wrought chain} take this and choose thy own fortune for thyself. {Puts the chain around ALONSO’s neck and steps backward with a nod}

ALONSO-{close to tears as he throws his arms around HAMLET’s waist in a hug} For your goodness and generosity, thank you. Words—my words are not enough.

ALONSO can no longer speak and moves behind his CAPTAIN, who now takes stock of the two friends seriously.

P. CAPT-Before ye leave, lads, I have summat t’ say t’ ye. Trust in Providence but beware trickery from those on whom ye wish to revenged be. {Both men are silent and grim in reply} Well! Go now, an’ may the wind at yer back bear ye swiftly to the country seat.

As the young men make their final farewell, they are saluted by the CREW with a rousing “Arrr!!” and HAMLET puts his arm in the air before throwing it jovially around the shoulders of HORATIO.

***

Act V, Scene ii-> En route to Elsinore Castle. HAMLET and HORATIO walk down the roads with stops for rest along their way.

HAMLET-Do tell, my friend, what are the circumstances at the castle and the court?

HORATIO-{slowly} It seems, my lord, it has been a month since you went to sea, when it has been less than a fortnight in actuality. In hugger-mugger old Polonius was interr’d; and that, as well as your hasty exile, did make the lady Ophelia seem to run mad. 

HAMLET-{shocked} Was hers true antic? For she had not the motive to put on such a disposition, as did I.

HORATIO-Not for the same reasons, no, my prince; her apparent reason stemmed only from the excesses of grief, compiled thus quickly and frightfully upon her head. I kept a careful watch over her when I could;

HAMLET-{realizing} but my letter came and requested that thee leave! Oh would that I had known of Ophelia’s precarious condition; else I would not have begged you to come so urgently.

HORATIO-{placating him} But you could not; and I did come, after requesting Marcellus to lend a watchful eye, and also recruit that of your mother. So it was a horrid blow when Alonso brought me a letter from the queen, saying—{takes out Queen Gertrude’s letter to him and reading} “‘one woe doth tread upon another’s heel.’ Ophelia’s drown’d, Horatio.”

HAMLET lets out an anguished cry

On the instant that I read it, I went into a passion—as you do now—and sent word to Marcellus in order to have him explain what had gone so terribly, horribly wrong. He himself came to see me, along with a convert bound for a convent . . . ‘twas Ophelia, my lord, in the flesh.

HAMLET-{lowering his hands from his face, shocked} Truly? It was really her, alive?!

HORATIO-Truly, my lord. She had spirited herself away, and with the good guardsman’s help, she meant to go to an English cloister. She asked me to say to you that she understands now—you pushed yourself away in order to protect her; and for’t she bears you no ill will.

HAMLET-{has closed his eyes and pain [as well as joy] flash(es) across his face as a tear runs down his cheek} Is this a dream? Can it be true? Does she live and now forgive me, too?! Ophelia, there is no saint as good as you! Fair winds fly thee on, sweet maid, to safe and happy climes; while it is our lot to leave betimes.

HORATIO-I pray so for her too. But of her brother Laertes, for his grief, what should we do?

HAMLET-The way things are in court, I fear we must play this now by ear . . . {thinks of something} There will be a body for the purpose of internment?

HORATIO-Aye. Marcellus met a sexton by the bye, and for the use of a body he gave the man payment.

HAMLET-Mayhap we should go to th’ sacred place where all at the castle are laid to rest.

HORATIO-Are you sure, my lord, that will be the best way for you to return?

HAMLET-Even so. As of Providence, so now of Death I am seeking to learn.

HORATIO-{nodding sagely} Let us go, then.

HAMLET-Proceed I now, and with Providence’s behest, shall have my revenge upon Claudius at last.

As the long dark road stretches before them, the two friends once more begin to walk and then spy a graveyard up ahead in the distance.

[Exeunt all; Blackout]

~FINIS~

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note:**

> My eternal thanks go to the Bard for creating--in my opinion--this greatest of plays.
> 
> I got the idea for this play-within-a-play-that-already-has-a-play-within-it-so-this-may-as-well-be-playception...from an article entitled "Hamlet and the Pirates: A Critical Reconsideration" written by Martin Stevens for the Shakespeare Quarterly in the summer of 1975. As you can see, it is from this wonderful article that I got the title of my play. If you are interested, (and if you are able to locate it online), I highly suggest giving this article a read. It is extremely interesting and the points that its author makes are incredibly well executed.
> 
> I hope this play gives you enjoyment, and that it fires up your imagination.


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